Monday, June 28, 2004

Nothing New Under the Sun

A fellow Blogger AJ, "All Your Bloggs Are Belong To Us" posted a story about an old friend whose wife took him away from all his buddies and kept him for herself. Why do some marriages end up that way? The answer to that question lies within both the man and woman. The signs of a person's weaknesses are always there for us to read. The trouble is, most of us can't read the signs, especially when we are young. For example, moodiness to the young doesn't mean that this person has a potential mental health issue down the road, it means that he is an angry young man with a problem with society. And what can be more sexy than an angry young man? Books and screen plays are written about this human frailty.
How many times have we all said, I'm not surprised ... ran away, went to jail, committed suicide, got divorced etc. etc. He was always depressive, unhappy, angry, rude, etc, etc. We just don't look for the signs, and when we do see them we can't read them. When we manage to read them, it's too late. AJ's friend knew his future wife was reclusive. The signs were in her personality long before their marriage. Then again, AJ's friend himself, needed what this woman provided during their dating, and whatever her behavior was, he found it attractive. If we look at our own relationships we would see many instances where the ability to sign read would have saved us a lot of heartache. That doesn't mean that we would or should dissolve the relationship. We would be more likely to go into the relationship with our eyes open and better equipped to deal with issues head on should any arise. And arise they will sooner or later. It could be immediate, 5 years down the road or 35 years. Heaven help us all preserve our patience, sense of humor and personal integrity. Here's to Psychoanalysis!


At 2:18 PM, Blogger AJ said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 2:20 PM, Blogger AJ said...

Maddy, in reading your take on the subject, you touched on some things which jogged my memory about him. I had failed to take these into account while writing my story.

You were quite correct about my friend seeing something in his wife's personality that he found captivating. She quite obviously was a control freak, as was his Mother. His family was very closed and to themselves. This is what he knew — and though he told me many times he never wanted to be like his parents — it was obviously a lifestyle he felt comfortable with.

At 4:11 PM, Blogger Maddy said...

They always say that guys marry their mothers and girls marry their fathers. Thats not far from the truth the way I see it. The best we can hope for is that we are attracted to the better aspects of personality. Unfortunately, it is often the opposite.

At 6:53 PM, Blogger barrie said...

This is just to let you know that Maddysmind was nominated via write-in ballot for The Pink Bee Best Blog 2004 (summer) contest.

People may visit and follow the link at the top to vote.

Congratulations and good luck!

Winners will be announced and notified on 7/5/04

At 6:36 AM, Blogger jakethelad said...

Yeah, my break up took 27 years. But it did eventually happen. I can see now that we were not compatible. Maybe it was 90% lust and 10% love. And I realise that I'm partly to blame. I hope AJ's friend can bring the diverging paths that him and his wife may be on, but not know it, together again!!

At 9:53 AM, Blogger Maddy said...

Yeah Jake, but some of those 27 years were really good. You may be remembering only the worst parts. It takes time to refresh and repair. Thanks for your input.

At 2:53 PM, Blogger Jamie said...

I believe that whole marry your parents type stuff, but by dad is such a stay at home. Not that I ever go out...:) I think that in every marriage problem there are two people at fault. And every person has a weakness, the trick is to find a person whose weaknesses balance out your own. Maddy, do I have any weaknesses? Just kidding. Love ya, hon. Congrats on the nomination!

At 4:26 PM, Blogger Maddy said...

Thanks Jamie, I agree, where one person is weak their partner should be strong and vice versa. That along with patience and a sense of humor would be an ideal marriage. I had that with my husband, but things fell apart when our son became ill. I was always the one who cared for everyone, so when I needed caring and a tremendous amount of support he couldn't provide - just about tore us apart -still in recovery mode. Guess where I got my support? Right! Girlfriends!! Oh, its so good to have girlfriends. But, still, if only the one you loved...

At 10:50 PM, Anonymous Bloggs said... I Know what I Like, and I like it, Have a Laugh on me

At 1:51 PM, Anonymous Bloggs said... I Know what I Like, and I like it, Have a Laugh on me


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